Lines in the Sand

When going through all my assignments I realized I forgot to publish this post upon returning from break. They say better late than never.

Throughout high school, I had good relationships with my classmates and teachers. Socially it helped for me to be involved in sports, because from them I grew relationships with my peers. I think I treated most of them with respect, at least at first, and I did not have a problem having conversations with anyone. As far as high school drama, I was pretty Switzerland and managed to stay out of it, mostly. Like most other U of I students, I excelled in high school. I did not mind sharing answers to homework and did so frequently.

Though I did share answers to homework, I never gave answers on quizzes or tests. I stayed after school to talk to my teachers every day before practice so they got to know me personally. Showing interest in the material usually got me into their good graces without coming into class with apples for them. Participating in class, again, showed interest in the material no matter how boring it was. However, I was not the most obedient student, and often I would read for pleasure, talk, or do assignments for other classes, while the teacher was talking or while the room was supposed to be quiet. I am sure my teachers did not like my behavior all the time, but most times they overlooked it if I wasn’t disrupting the classroom. Perhaps my teachers were disappointed with what I was doing, but when compared to my classmates who did not seem to care whether they were a disruption or not, my behavior was often excused.

Above all else, I made sure I told the truth as much as possible, whether it would put me in trouble or not. When I did gossip, I told one story with facts that did not change, though the details were sometimes exaggerated. When my teacher asked if I was talking, and I was, I admitted it. If I wasn’t, I would say that I was not, but no matter how much they pried, I would never say who was talking. When confronted, I told the truth, but I was not always transparent and honest. Most times I did not feel like I was cashing in with my social capital, but my reputations with others certainly placed me in favorable positions.

One day, in my Engineering class while we were testing CO2 cars, Adam, a friend of mine, and me argued about whose car would have the faster time. Adam tended to be disruptive in our normal class periods. My teacher, Mrs. Ellis had one rule that she strictly enforced; we could not curse in her class. Adam and I are passionate people, to say the least, and while we were arguing Adam cursed first, though I do not remember what he said. Mrs. Ellis had been setting up CO2 cars, and did not respond to what was said. I had been responding, but I had not cursed until I said, “My car is going to beat the crap out of yours, man.” I did not say crap or man. At which point, Adam made sure to bring this to my teacher’s attention, saying something to the tune of her favorite student cursed. At first, Mrs. Ellis turned and asked my classmates for confirmation, but they said they did not know. It was an obvious lie. I am going to simulate the conversation using quotes for simplicity and flow, but I do not remember exact quotes. She had pulled me aside for this.

“Your friend says that you cursed. Is that true?”

“True that he said I cursed or true that I cursed?”

“That you cursed.”

“Yes, I did. Once.”

“I heard two from you. You know I don’t allow that other word in my class.”

“I don’t think you’re at liberty to govern where that word should be used, but I did curse still.”

“Did Adam curse?”

“I’m not at liberty to say. You would probably know better than me.”

“Ok. Come see me after class.”

It seemed like I got in trouble to my peers. I stayed for a few minutes after class and there was no consequence. She told me not to do it again. The normal punishment for my behavior was a detention. In hindsight, there is no way she did not hear what was said, from either of us, but somehow, we both were not disciplined. The next day, Adam and another student were cursing and they both got detentions. This happened a few other times that school year. I continued to have a good relationship with my teacher, Adam, and the rest of my classmates. I’m not sure how many situations there are where a relationship is totally cashed in. The idea seems movie-like. However, one thing I learned was that telling the truth and standing your ground is powerful.

Grand Finale

I haven’t taken too many Econ classes, but I have gotten more applicable knowledge in this one compared to my others. In one way or another, most days we discussed self-interest, whether it was through moral hazard, contracting, opportunistic behavior, teamwork, or insurance. I have a habit of assigning goodness and badness to behaviors that I respectably agree with or disagree with. When I was younger, my friends and I would idealistically debate about what we would do if we were president, professing how we would save the world, but it isn’t that easy. This course encouraged me to reflect on my past experiences in leadership, and how much “ugly” was there. The world is uglier than I grew up perceiving it. I valued the truth being told and a blind, tenacious commitment to teamwork more than I do now.

People do what they thing is best for them/their families.  I think it was good that we did not use the word “lie,” and instead had to substitute it with “strategically misrepresent preferences.” Lying implies intent and an evil connotation, but misrepresentation can be accidental and honest. Many adults do not tell the truth about Santa Claus, but to say that they are lying about this character’s existence is strong and out of place.

Horseshoe seating made the class more informal, but it seemed to benefit the discussion. I found the in-class discussions to be insightful, though they were often dull. Questions were posed in unclear or tricky ways and I found myself trying to avoid a trap that was or was not there. Also, there were only about 6-9 people that contributed to the conversations, which I found disappointing for a small class with 20+ students enrolled. I am sure the vagueness of some questions kept others from participating, but I think some of it also came from the fear of being wrong. Often teachers/professors do not directly say that a student is wrong, but instead say “Does anyone want to help them out?” I find that behavior to be destructive because it isn’t clear, but it is normalcy. I think students are used to being coddled in that way, so when they are afraid of being wrong in front of people, they don’t take chances. I do not know how to remedy this, because forced participation, from my experience, creates an environment for undeveloped, well-thought out responses, hence lowering the quality of discussion. Also, having a greater audience, or mandatory attendance, could make this stage fright worse.

As far as blogging, I didn’t mind taking chances because no one wants to read the same thing said in different ways. Also, I am unmotivated to write about things that do not directly affect my life. Normally blog posts take me between 90-120 minutes. I spend about 30 of them brainstorming my topic and outlining the structure, then I spend the rest of the time filling in the blanks and tying my points together at the sentence level. The blog posts tied well to the in-class discussions, but did not connect with Excel homework, apart from the Prisoner’s Dilemma matrix that I made about teamwork.  I think it is okay for those two not to be related, but it would have certainly helped to go over some of the math in class. Having videos at our disposal helps, but it does not beat in-class instruction. Students may be bored, but if the math was covered more in class, I think people would be more willing to go to class. Otherwise, I found the math to be relatively intuitive, though I was challenged. The books, though supplementary, were not necessary to class discussions, blog posts, or the Excel homeworks, but they were expensive. I feel like I wasted a huge chunk of money since they were described as necessary, but weren’t for 13 weeks. All in all, I am glad that I took this course, and I feel like I got my money’s worth.